Jestler
by Atheist42
Summary: A re-telling of "Jesus and Hitler: A Romance," only involving actual plot and characterization, along with less disturbing graphics. Adolf Hitler had been waging his war alone, sheer determination the only thing carrying him along. That is, until Jesus, son of God, appears before him, offering his aid. It turns out, Hitler is not the only one who has tired of the British way.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note:**_

 _ **This story was written mostly as a dare, not meant to offend anyone or their beliefs. My friends and I were looking over articles responding to the fanfiction "Jesus and Hitler: A Romance." I remarked that it was not the pairing that made me disgusted, but just how awful it was portrayed. I went on to say that I bet I could write a story of that pairing, only better because it would actually have plot. And then, of course, my friends basically told me to 'put my money where my mouth was,' and dared me to write a story for the pairing Jesus/Hitler. And thus, Jestler was born.**_

 _ **I repeat, this story is not meant to be taken literally. I don't mean to offend anyone, truly. The ideas presented within do not reflect my own, personal beliefs.**_

 _ **That being said, enjoy.**_

* * *

Adolf Hitler left the stage of his latest rally, enthusiastic Nazi cheers following him. He kept his stride confident and firm even though he wanted nothing more than to just run into his private room and collapse. Talking in front of all those people was a necessary sacrifice to his comfort. His plans could not progress without the support of his party and country. Without the support, he would be just another dictator, not the elected-into-office Nationalist Leader he presented himself as.

He finally reached the comfort of his private room, shrugging off the people attempting to get his attention, and firmly shutting the door behind him. He locked and secured the door before finally allowing himself a moment to relax. He removed his military hat, placing it on the simple oak table, along with the stiff jacket from his ensemble. He pulled out his handkerchief and wiped away the layer of sweat that had formed across his brow and upper lip, sinking into the available chair. Sometimes he wondered if all this was truly worth it, facing the rest of Europe in order to aid his country in breaking the chains of the Treaties of Versailles and St Germaine. They had been beaten down and near-destroyed under France's thirst for revenge and Britain's move to quench it. A sigh passed its way through his lips, and he sneered at his own weakness, pouring himself a glass of water from the pitcher that had been left on the table for him while wishing for something stronger. Spread out were the latest reports from Poland and the spies within Britain, and he could feel a migraine building on top of his already pulsing headache.

"Lord, give me the strength and will to do what needs to be done," Hitler allowed a small prayer to fall from his lips as he picked up a pen to begin working.

"I don't know how much strength I can give you. You seem to have the situation pretty much under control," a male voice responded.

Hitler was immediately out of his chair with his firearm pointed at the intruder. "Who are you? How did you get in here?" he demanded.

"You are the one that called for me," the man retorted, taking a seat in the chair opposite to the one Hitler had just vacated. He was tall and skinny, confident in his movements. He was tanned and brunette, his slightly curly hair framing twinkling brown eyes, a beard of a similar shade reaching down past his chin and to his collar bone. He was dressed all in white, a dress shirt and slacks, and he appeared completely comfortable in his surroundings.

"I called for no man," Hitler proclaimed, not wavering in the training of his weapon, not that the other man seemed bothered by it.

"Good thing I am not entirely a man then," he replied, pulling the water pitcher closer to him. The liquid turned a purple-red as he poured it into the second cup that had been left out. "Mmm," the man held the glass beneath his nose, "one of my favorite vintages." His eyes flickered upwards, focusing on him. "Would you like a glass?"

"What…that's impossible," Hitler's arm fell a few inches. It could not have happened, he knew that. That pitcher was _water_ , but he also could not deny what his own senses told him, and not only had the drink changed color, but the fruity smell of the wine had now reached his nose. "It's a trick, nothing but a trick!" he asserted, stepping closer.

The man, if that's what he was, rolled his eyes, before moving closer to Hitler, who raised his gun in warning. The man held his hands up in the universal sign for 'I mean no harm,' and stretched out a finger to his forehead. Just like that, it felt like the stress and tension had disappeared, the throbbing that had been present since he first started his campaign receding, and not just fading but vanishing completely.

"Who are you?" Hitler questioned after a moment.

"I think you already know, but allow me to formally introduce myself. I am Jesus Christ, son of God. And you, Adolf Hitler, Führer of Germany, are in luck."

Hitler's arm fell completely, the gun nearly slipping from his fingers under the weight of the idol's gaze. "Why?" he barely whispered the word, but the deity heard it regardless.

"I have watched this planet, these people. I have watched for nearly two thousand years. Do you know what I have seen, throughout all these years? Sinner, after sinner, after sinner. And sometimes these sinners preach their ideals, spew their filth, all in my name, or in my father's name. And do you know the greatest power behind this filth? The empire that spreads from horizon to horizon? Britain. So pretentious they had to add a 'great' in front of it. My story is out there! I know it is, everyone knows it is, yet those people… They completely disregarded my history and portrayed me as a pale-skinned, blue-eyed, blonde-haired, _Englishman_ ," he sneered. "They took a look at the world, the beauty and diversity, and saw something to conquer, calling the natives of each land _savages_ even as they slaughter and enslave, under the title of 'colonization.' They have done more than enough to earn my ire, along with their network of alliances. You are lucky, Adolf Hitler, because you are not entangled in that net which I am determined to destroy. That makes me on your side." The holy man had been pacing and gesturing throughout the entire rant, until he began addressing him once more, in which case he was unnaturally still.

Hitler said nothing for a moment, looking at this man who presented himself as something more. "How do I know you speak the truth?"

Jesus laughed then, a full belly laugh, before turning serious once more. "I have looked into the future and seen the outcome of this war. You will not win without my aid, trust me on that. Do not question me. Do not look this gift horse in the mouth."

There was a sharp intake of breath, before Hitler nodded. "Alright. What help can you provide me?"

"Well first off, you can stop persecuting Jews."

"What? Are you mad?" he demanded.

"No, I'm _Jewish_ ," Jesus emphasized. "And you'll want to stop murdering my worshippers. If anything, kill off the Christians! Warping the past to fit their ideals…as if I'd ever want a part of their stupid doctrine."

"That is not a change that can just happen! If I change the plans midway through- not to mention, the concentration camps are already open! It will take more than my word to shift our focus from Jews to Christians!" Hitler responded. Stop persecuting Jews! As if that was such an easy thing! "The persecution of Jews is what got the church allied on my side! Without them…"

"Yes, you'll lose some support, but you'll regain that support from the Jewish, once you apologize for your grievous mistake and misinterpretation of my father's will," Jesus motioned with one hand, as he took a seat.

"Apologize? Are you mad?" Hitler demanded.

"And then with the support you'll gain when I publicly support you…" Jesus continued to speak over him. "Once I prove to the world that I truly am who I say I am, and that I'm firmly on your side, what do you think will happen? There will of course be naysayers who refuse to believe and will join your enemy, but having the son of God on your side will up your numbers and public support, I promise you that."

Hitler took a seat at the table as well, and thought over the words. It wouldn't be easy to take away the prejudice he himself had allowed and encouraged to grow within his country, but if Jesus really could prove to the world that he is truly the son of God, then fulfilling his request would not be as difficult. All of his men were God-fearing, and with a deity's own request fueling the change, they wouldn't stand in the way, despite their personal beliefs. He flicked his focus back up to the man across from him. Hitler had always prided himself on thinking logically, and this whole conversation had been completely illogical. Jesus, appearing before him of all people? Yet, faced with the facts, he was inclined to believe in the idol.

"Alright. You will have to make an appearance before I can even broach the subject with my men. I can, however, send word out to the camps to stop the furnaces and introduction programs, allow the incomers to keep their belongings, and send them to tents right away rather than separating males from females and families. I will tell them I'm preparing for something big, and it is necessary for all the Jews to be in best possible condition. Once you have shown your support for me, I can work on taking down the camps, or at least replacing the prisoners with Christians, as per your desire. If you could manage to appear in public in front of a mass of people, proving who you are while offering your support, that would be best. You could offer your support under the condition that I stop persecuting the Jews or something similar," Hitler offered.

Jesus nodded. "That sounds feasible. You are an intelligent man, Hitler."

"Call me Adolf, you of all people deserve that right, sir."

"Adolf then. Just Jesus is fine, it is my name after all," Jesus waved his hand once more, filling the table with food. "Shall we eat something then? You must be hungry after your most recent rally?"

"Thank you," Hitler smiled, feeling his stomach rejoice at the offering of food.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day found Hitler back at headquarters. As great as being in charge of the country was, it involved a lot more work than just staging speeches. Hitler shoved another pile of packets into the 'done' stack on his desk. He'd been filling out paperwork for over five hours already, and it seemed as though he had barely made a dent in what needed to be done, especially since he was changing his policies so late in the game. Despite not having seen Jesus since the previous night, when he offered the idol a room, he had followed through with what he said he would do, and contacted all the concentration camps, halting gas chambers and furnaces. The new orders were to not even separate families and take belongings, but to assign all incomers with a place to stay, and make sure everyone was fed. All work in the camps was also halted, and Hitler refused to comment further on why. He knew the unofficial word spreading through the camps was that he had a much better plan for them, and didn't want to waste time or energy continuing as he had previously. He refused to comment on the rumors, merely stating that he needed all the prisoners in a fit state. Despite having radioed the camps, he also was sending letters with his signature and seal to the men he'd placed in charge, to affirm that he truly did give the orders. It just added to his work.

Hitler put his pen down, massaging the ache in the joint of his thumb, while bowing his head slightly. The headache from yesterday was back full force, but there really wasn't much he could do about it. He needed to get this work done. Forcing himself to ignore the pain, he grasped his pen once more, reaching for the next stack of work.

When he felt a presence behind himself, he had to force himself not to reach for his gun and shoot no questions asked, when he recognized it as the idol he had entertained the previous day. Nimble fingers plucked the pen from his grasp, and gently stroked along his hand. The pain receded, and Hitler held in his sigh of relief.

"Thank you," he turned in his chair, to finally face the other man.

"It's the least I could do, Adolf," Jesus smirked in reply. Hitler was discomforted by how much he enjoyed his name coming from those lips. "I visited the camps today, to ensure you followed our agreement. I was very glad to see that not only had you, but your men were loyal enough to follow the new orders unquestionably. They're bringing proper food into the camps, and passing out blankets. Many of my worshipers are wondering if they're dreaming, or if the Allies had finally won the war. They were quite disbelieving when they heard the orders came directly from you."

"I'm not surprised," Hitler responded. If he didn't know what he did, he would have been shocked too. He had not seen himself altering his course, and especially not in so drastic of a matter. He most likely would have shot the man that tried to tell him that this would be his future path. "My men are loyal, I've worked hard for that. They did not believe in me at first, of course not, but at this point, they trust me. Even so, that trust will wear thin, if their faith in me and my decisions is not justified, and soon."

"Of course," Jesus waved a hand uncaringly, taking a seat across from him. "I propose we do it tomorrow."

"So soon?"

"Why wait?" Jesus leaned forwards. "Once we do it, your followers will multiply, and their loyalty will be ensured. You might lose some, due to the disbelief that I am who I say I am. And the atheists will be upset too, of course. But the Americans? They're not in this war yet, and I really don't have a strong quarrel with them. I'm still impressed from the revolution, where they threw off the British control. Europe is more questionable on a whole, but I intend to make the reality of the situation very clear. Just ensure your speech is being broadcasted over television and radio."

"I can do that," Hitler responded. "But how are you going to prove your validity? There will be massive repercussions from this, and I will bear the brunt of them."

"It's best that you're surprised, so you do not seem to be responsible. Just trust me. Once I have finished making a display, then I will join you onstage, and offer you my support, on the condition that you stop the suffering of my loyal followers, the Jewish, and you'll agree to talks of the terms of my support. It will make you seem a stronger leader if you gain my support without promising anything concrete in return, at least in public. I can identify several spies from various countries that you should have there, so as to widen the impact, however if the speech is already being broadcast across radio and television, it should spread quickly."

"You have clearly thought this through," Hitler responded, nodding at all the points Jesus had made.

"Yes, well. You were working all morning on my behalf. I thought it prudent that I also contribute to this partnership. This relationship should be as mutually beneficial as possible, don't you think?" Jesus tilted his head to the side, eyes sparkling.

Hitler gave his assent, silently pondering his ally's actions. The idol seemed almost…dare he even think, flirty? But no, he knew he was misreading the situation. There was no way such a thing would ever occur. He cleared his throat, dismissing the thoughts. "Tomorrow, then. I will have my men start setting it up immediately." He reached for the telephone, only to look up in surprise when Jesus stopped him, holding his hand firmly in the idol's own.

"Adolf, you have done so much work already. Don't you think you deserve a break? You will be of no use to anyone if you're so exhausted you can't think straight," Jesus said softly.

"Be that as it may, I really must finish this, it's very important," Hitler motioned to the papers littering his desk.

Jesus mimicked the motion, and before Hitler's eyes, it sorted itself and ink flooded the pages. "There, it is done. Now will you relax with me?"

"This is all I had planned for today," Hitler said calmly, successfully managing to hide his shock, "so yes, I believe I have the time," he gave Jesus a genuine smile.

"Excellent, it is far past time for you to have a break to eat," Jesus smiled widely, leaning forwards and placing a hand on his shoulder.

Before Hitler had a chance to respond, he was covered in a warmth that was unnaturally calming. Between one blink and the next, he was in a completely different place. He did not recognize his surroundings more than the fact that he was on a beach, the scent of salt in the air, and the sound of waves lapping the shore clear in the air. He was sitting at a small table, Jesus across from him, in the middle of an empty cove, untouched by man. It was surreal, unlike anything he had ever seen before.

His awe must have shown on his face, because Jesus smiled softly, tilting his head upwards. "Beautiful, I know. This spot is a favorite of mine, amongst the land of my father's creation. I am glad to have someone to share it with."

The words held great weight, although Jesus did not seem inclined to recognize it, because no sooner had they been said, when the man gestured once more, filling the table with food. A single, tall candle sat in the center of the table, and Hitler once more was struck with how date-like this seemed. Being taken to the idol's favorite place, what must be his escape, and dining together? But there's no way…

Hitler prided himself on being a man who trusted his instincts, which is why he allowed himself to trust Jesus in the first place, but the idea that the son of God was a homosexual? It was ludicrous!

Forcing himself to put the idea from his head once more, Hitler resigned himself to eating the meal provided for him instead of lingering on such thoughts. The meal was as delicious as the one he had experienced the previous night, and unlike anything he had ever tasted. He was startled out of his reverie when the man across from him began to speak.

"It is easy to lose faith in humanity, when you have lived amongst them as long as I. I forgave the people who crucified me. I did not harm or punish them. That was not my way back then, when I was still so idealistic. When my father could be deemed reasonable for destroying whole towns because of the actions of a few, or when he took away the common tongue of man, when he feared they might surpass him. And then came modernization, which people treat as a good thing. What is good about polluting the skies and the oceans? About destroying habitats and killing off species? People call it evolution, survival of the fittest, they justify it any and every way they can, without really caring. People are fickle. I have lived through generations and generations of their behavior, shifting to stay in line with the most powerful person who arises…" Jesus trailed off, and Hitler was surprised to find how enthralled with his words he was. "You, though Adolf," the idol focused on him again, and Hitler met those so young-old eyes, full of knowledge surpassing anything he himself could even dream of knowing. "You're not like those men. You saw the world how it was, the gritty surface. You fashioned yourself into a leader of men, despite your reservations, to give your country another chance to be great. You are _incredible_." Jesus put extra emphasis on the word.

Hitler found himself at a complete loss for words, his mouth parting slightly at the extreme conviction present in the deity's eyes.

"This world will never be what my father originally intended, but we, together, can make it into something completely different. I have been alone for so many years Adolf, a figure frozen in time and forced to watch without interacting, but I'm done with that. If my father had a problem with it, then he would have stopped me long before now, which leads me to conclude that he approves of the action I have taken so far. The action that I plan to take next," Jesus said conclusively.

"What do you plan to do next?" Hitler asked, his voice coming out barely above a whisper, but the idol heard him anyways.

"This," Jesus said, and suddenly his mouth was occupied by another. He'd never felt anything like it, the lips hard against his own, the facial hair that rubbed against his face, far softer than he ever thought possible…

 **The End**


End file.
